


I Have Feelings for You

by DaylightFades



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, Blow Jobs, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Jealous Arthur, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Smut, Smutty, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 02:55:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21190400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaylightFades/pseuds/DaylightFades
Summary: Arthur Pendragon is the well-established, poised face of Pendragon Publishing. He lives his life in solitude, and any relationships that he does have are meant for show. With a perfectly polished, tough exterior, he doesn't let much faze him.That is, until a certain intern starts consuming his every thought.





	1. Chapter 1

Arthur Pendragon rolled up the cuffs of his suit sleeves and reached for the to-go cup of coffee on his desk. The slight movement caused his right sleeve draped back down over his hand. Arthur sighed in frustration. Not even his clothing was cooperating with him. He took a sip of coffee and grimaced at the bitter taste. “Idiot,” mumbled Arthur. He pressed the little silver button underneath his desk, and straightened his back, trying to appear authoritative. Arthur’s assistant entered his office hesitantly, her arms folded defensively across her chest, as though she knew that she had done something wrong.  
Arthur cleared his throat and bellowed, “Sophia,”  
“Yes Mr. Pendragon?” She stuttered, approaching his desk slowly.  
He gestured towards his coffee cup, “Thanks again for fetching my coffee this morning”,  
Sophia’s eyes brightened and her shoulders collapsed in relief, “Of course, sir. Can I bring you something else?”  
Arthur smiled, “Actually, I wanted to know what you put in my coffee”.  
Sophia’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, “Nothing, sir”.  
“You see, that’s the problem. If my memory does not deceive me, I remember asking you for sugar. Just like I do every morning when I have you fetch my coffee. We went over this just last week, did we not?”  
“Yes sir, I s’pose we did. I’m sorry, sir”.  
“Kindly fetch me another coffee, Sophia, as I’m too tired to talk about your incompetence for any longer. After my sugared coffee, we can continue this discussion in greater detail”.  
Sophia’s bottom lip trembled ever so slightly, but she nodded. She turned on her heels stiffly and left Arthur’s office. 

“I love it when you make them cry,”  
Morgana strolled into Arthur’s office; her slim body tucked into a smart black pantsuit. Her dark locks remained loose and unruly around her shoulders. Arthur shook his head; despite her best efforts and her natural scowl, his little sister stuck out like a sore thumb. If father hadn’t gotten her the job, she definitely wouldn’t have had the privilege of strolling into his office whenever she pleased.  
“Sadist,” Arthur mumbled.  
“I guess it runs in the family, then”.  
Morgana smiled sweetly and perched on the edge of his desk. She tilted her head and looked at Arthur expectantly.  
“What do you want, Morgana?”  
“Well, father said that I can have an assistant, and that I should ask you to handle the hiring for me”.  
“An assistant, Morgana?”  
“Well you have one,”  
“You are an assistant, father’s assistant”.  
Morgana crossed her arms, “Yes well, father has been assigning more duties to me recently and we both agreed that I deserve the extra help”.  
Arthur rolled his eyes but reached for his agenda and jotted down a reminder to hire a new assistant.  
“You can have Sophia, if you want. She’s dreadful. You two would have plenty in common”.  
“Prat,” Morgana hit him lightly on the shoulder, eyebrows furrowing in protest.  
“I’m serious, you can have her, and I’ll just hire a new one for myself”.  
“No, she’s far too damaged and jaded now after working for you. Also, she’s far too pert and precious for me. Not to mention that with father in the office next to mine, he would gawk at her all of the time. He’s already having an affair with Helen from purchasing, he doesn’t need to add another notch to his belt”.  
Arthur scoffed, “She’s not that pretty,” he said coldly. It was true that Sophia was beautiful in a conventional way; her petite frame was always cloaked in pretty dresses and the apples of her cheeks were always dusted pink. However, she just wasn’t Arthur’s type. She was too soft, with her soft smile, soft sleepy eyes, and soft blond hair.  
“You’re too picky,” Morgana said, smirking.  
“Maybe you’re right, but this way there are far more women for father to choose from,”  
Morgana chuckled and waved her hand at him dismissively as she climbed off of his desk.  
“Quite the jester, you are. So, you’ll take care of the hiring for me, then?”  
“Yeah, yeah”.  
He paid no more notice to her as she left, and instead turned his attention back to his work.


	2. Chapter 2

Freya was a very plain girl; plain in appearance as well as plain in personality. She was thin and mousy, with a professionally detached demeanor. She had greeted Arthur politely, but hadn’t looked him in the eyes, which he liked. She knew her place in the company, and she didn’t seem to have any plans to challenge that. She’d be perfect for the job, thought Arthur. She wasn’t so beautiful that Morgana would feel intimidated by her, but she was passable enough to greet clients. Plus, she seemed submissive enough to be ordered around by his beastly sister without any outward resistance. When she left the office, she had simply given him a respectful little nod, and quietly shut the door behind her. Morgana would love her. Satisfied with his decision, Arthur pressed the button that summoned Sophia. She entered quietly, her eyes puffy and slightly pink. She sniffed pathetically, and kept her face turned away from him defiantly.  
“Sophia, I’ve found a hirable assistant for Morgana. Please cancel any remaining interviews that I had scheduled”.  
“But, sir, one of the candidates just walked into the reception area, and he told me that he had traveled for over an hour to get to this interview, couldn’t I just send him in?”  
“Sophia, if you question my judgment once more, you will no longer be working for me”.  
Sophia sniffled, and wiped her eyes with a dainty handkerchief that had been tucked away inside one of her pockets.  
Arthur rolled his eyes at the twinge of sympathy that he felt pulse through his body, “Alright, send him in”, and after a moment’s hesitation he added, “thank you, Sophia”. After she left, Arthur took out his phone and texted his sister,  
Arthur: M, I found an assistant for you. She’s perfectly plain and has no backbone, you’d love her.  
After just a minute, Arthur’s phone buzzed. Arthur shook his head disapprovingly; if Morgana was able to reply to text messages so quickly, clearly, she didn’t have any need for an assistant, as she certainly wasn’t doing any work.  
Morgana: Thank you, brother dearest. When will she start?  
Arthur: Monday. Gtg, I have to interview one more bloke, but it’s just a formality.  
Morgana: Forget the spineless girl, if the guy is hot, hire him. Could use some friendly distraction from father’s antics.  
Arthur groaned; he couldn’t fathom how he could be related to such a ghastly woman. Even if she was only his half-sister, he couldn’t believe that even some of his blood was tied to hers.  
“Mr. Pendragon?” Arthur could hear Sophia’s meek little voice from behind his office door.  
“Yes?”  
“Mr. Emrys is here for the interview, sir”.  
“Very well, let him in”.  
The door opened, and the first thing that Arthur noticed was a long, spindly pair of legs. The legs were dressed in black trousers; the type of trousers that try to disguise themselves as formal dress pants. The long legs lead Arthur up to a narrow torso cloaked in a black button down. Up a pair of narrow shoulders and a slender neck was a face that made Arthur forget how to breathe for a moment. He was goofy looking, with large ears that stuck out boldly and sun-deprived skin, but Arthur felt a nervous lump form in his throat as the boy’s wide, grey-blue eyes focused on him.  
The boy stuck out his lanky arm and extended it towards Arthur for a handshake. Arthur raised an eyebrow, and the boy nervously moved his hand back into his pocket.  
“Name?”  
“Merlin Emrys, sir,” his voice cracked, and he tried to cover it up by clearing his throat loudly. Arthur smirked; he was enjoying seeing the lad sweat. Merlin eyed the chair that faced Arthur’s desk, “May I?” he asked. Arthur nodded and cracked his knuckles while Merlin got settled, resting his bony elbows awkwardly on the armrest.  
“Tell me, Merlin, why do you want to work at Pendragon Publishing?”  
“Well, sir, since an early age I’ve always loved to read all sorts of various works of literature, and I-“  
“Merlin,” Arthur interrupted him, “You do know that you’d be an assistant, right? In fact, you’d be an assistant’s assistant. Your tasks would include mundane tasks, like typing up notes, fetching coffee, catering meetings. So really, I have no need to know about your intense passion for literature”.  
Merlin’s pale face was flushed pink, and Arthur could make out tiny beads of condensation forming on his forehead.  
“Yes sir, I understand that, sorry. I wanted to express that I’ve wanted to work at a publishing company all of my life. Given my lack of experience, however, I know what my place here would be, and I would just be ecstatic to have any job here at all”.  
Nice save, thought Arthur. He was a nervous and awkward creature, this Merlin, but he seemed to know how to talk.  
“And do you have experience in service and assistant work?”  
Merlin nodded rapidly, “Yes sir, I worked for three years as a waiter at a coffee shop, and I worked as an assistant at an art gallery, where I performed tasks such as cleaning, setting up for events, and keeping track of finances. Seeing as you are the head of accounting at Pendragon Publishing, I believe that I certainly could be of use to you in that regard, as well”.  
Arthur snorted, “You wouldn’t be working for me, Mr. Emrys, you would be working for Morgana Pendragon”.  
Merlin looked disappointed, “Ah, I see. I’m sorry for the misunderstanding. Either way, I truly believe that I have the drive and the skills that qualify me for a position at Pendragon Publishing, and I would love a chance to prove it,” Merlin paused before adding, “I’d especially love to prove it to you, sir”.  
A lump formed in Arthur’s throat and he felt his chest tightening. Something about that was so intimate, so sultry; not something that he expected from the frail boy sitting in front of him. Arthur shook his head and cleared his throat, dismissing his body’s involuntary reactions. He needed to get Merlin out of his office.  
“Very well, Merlin. This concludes our interview. I will have Sophia contact you with an answer as soon as possible. Best of luck to you,” Arthur said.  
Merlin hesitated for a moment before standing up. Arthur studied his wiry frame once more; his neck was slender and porcelain white. It’d be such a beautiful canvas for Arthur’s lips, and tongue, and teeth, he thought.  
Arthur sharply inhaled and stood up, making sure that his desk remained a barrier between them. Merlin extended his hand, and Arthur noticed callouses on his fingers.  
“You play guitar?” Arthur asked without thinking, and immediately kicked himself for it. What was going on with him?  
Merlin seemed surprised, but his eyes lit up as he answered, “I do, actually, I’ve been playing for-“  
Arthur interrupted him again, “Great. Very well, Sophie will give you a call shortly”.  
“Thank you for the opportunity, sir”, Merlin said dejectedly, backing out of the room. He left Arthur’s office door wide open.  
“Idiot,” thought Arthur, trying his best to ignore the heat in his cheeks


	3. Chapter 3

“Good morning Mr. Pendragon! Happy Monday. shall I fetch your coffee for you?” Sophia chirped. Her cherub cheeks and pink lipstick made Arthur frown.  
Arthur took a sip of coffee from his favorite red to-go mug (royal red, of course), and tipped it pointedly towards her. “No thanks. Last week made me realize that I was expected too much of you, and that you aren’t ready for a task of that importance yet, Sophia. Maybe next week”.  
Sophia hung her head, “My apologies sir”.   
Arthur waved his hand at her, “You can go now”.  
“Actually, sir, I wanted to let you know that Morgana, er, Ms. Pendragon, gave me the go ahead to call one of the prospective assistants that you interviewed and let them know that they got the job”.  
Arthur put his coffee mug down abruptly, and he perked up curiously. “Thank you for letting me know, you can go now, Sophia”.  
With Sophia dismissed, Arthur stood up and straightened his tie. He left his office and started walking towards his sister’s office.  
Although Morgana had asked him to go through the recruiting and interviewing process, she had decided that she wanted to make the final say in who would be hired. Arthur had given her all of his notes, and the resumes of the interviewees whom he had deemed as hirable. There weren’t many for her to choose from, and Arthur may have put Merlin’s resume at the top of the pile. And, he may have highlighted Merlin’s name and written “My top choice” next to it.  
Arthur couldn’t make sense of it. It wasn’t just the fact that Merlin was a man that confused him, it was the fact that he seldom felt any physical attraction towards others at all. Of course, Arthur could recognize a beautiful woman when he saw one, and he could appreciate the curves and dips in a woman’s body, but he had never had primal attraction to somebody before. Sure, he had girlfriends in the past, but that was more about appearances for Arthur. Having a girlfriend on his arm made him seem more personable, more respected by his peers. It dissolved the reality that Arthur returned to his flat every evening by himself, ate his meals alone, and spent most of his nights in bed with a book. Plus, it kept his father happy to see Arthur coupled up. Throughout his childhood, Uther Pendragon had always chastised Arthur for not being like the other boys in his class. Arthur didn’t like to play sports or wreak havoc on the playground during recess. Instead, he occupied himself with his puzzles, books, and art, all things that Uther claimed would make him ‘soft’. In secondary school, Arthur slowly transformed into the man that Uther would approve of, concerning himself with women, sports, and reputation.   
Arthur’s attraction to Merlin was so out of character for him that he didn’t know what to make of it. Maybe if he saw him again, he could make sense of everything. Or at least, that’s what he had told himself in order to justify seeing him again.  
Arthur considered knocking on Morgana’s office door, and then realized he’d usually never be that considerate with her. This whole thing with Merlin was really messing with his head. Arthur opened her office door and walked in. He shook his head at how nice her office was; he had never heard of a secretary having her own office. Morgana claimed that it was because she needed a place to quietly file paperwork, but Arthur knew it was because she couldn’t stand to be around father for more than a few hours at a time. For that, he didn’t really blame her.   
“Brother dearest!” Morgana emerged from behind her desk, her arms outstretched. She looked particularly inappropriate today, Arthur thought, taking in Morgana’s appearance. Her dagger heels elongated her bare legs, and she had traded in her regular pantsuit for a tight, sleeveless grey sweater dress. Arthur frowned; he hated seeing so much of her at once.   
“Going to the club right after work?” He asked condescendingly, stepping awkwardly into her hug.   
She rolled her eyes and smirked at him, “Well, I had to dress up for my new assistant, I wanted to make a good first impression”.  
Arthur’s heart started beating hopefully and quickly, until he saw a broad-shouldered man appear and extend his hand towards Arthur.  
“Hey mate, I’m Gwaine”. His white T-shirt exposed his biceps needlessly, and his dark hair was disheveled carelessly. Arthur frowned at him disapprovingly.  
Who was this guy? Arthur didn’t remember interviewing him.  
Arthur ignored Gwaine’s extended hand and turned towards Morgana. “Morgana, who is this?”  
“Well, I enjoyed your list of candidates and I was going to go with someone else, but then I met Gwaine at a coffee shop, and it turns out he needed a job, so here we are”.  
Arthur stared at his sister in disbelief. What an idiot.   
“Didn’t you already tell Sophia to call and hire one of the potential employees?”  
Morgana tapped a fingernail to her chin, “Ah, I suppose I did! Oh well, just have her call it off”.   
Arthur mumbled his goodbyes to his sister and her toy and stormed back into his office. There was absolutely no need for continued conversation with either of them.   
“Sophia!” Arthur bellowed.   
“Yes, sir?”  
“Make a call to Merlin Emrys, please. Tell him that his first day of work starts tomorrow at 9 AM sharp and that he’ll be working for me”.


	4. Chapter 4

As soon as Arthur entered the reception area of his office, he could tell that Merlin was there already. The office smelled different; instead of Sophia’s slight hint of lavender, it smelled like strong coffee and men’s aftershave. Arthur cleared his throat nervously, willing himself to remain assertive and not let Merlin stop him from doing his job. “You hired him because he was qualified and passionate”, Arthur told himself, “Not because you’re attracted to him”.   
“Good morning Mr. Pendragon!” Sophia greeted him sweetly. She had been ecstatic to learn that she would be getting some help in the office. Arthur had strategically told her that Merlin should concern himself with the more mundane tasks, such as fetching coffee, bringing Arthur his messages, and basically being Arthur’s lackey, while Sophia should concern himself with paperwork, scheduling appointments, organizing Arthur’s schedule, and answering the phones. This made Sophia very happy; so happy that she didn’t notice that Arthur had assigned Merlin as many jobs as possible that would require him to come face to face with Arthur.  
“Good morning, Sophia. Any meetings today?”  
“You have an appointment at 1 PM to meet with a potential client but that’s all. Easy day today”.  
“Great, thank you. Oh, and how is everything working out with Mr. Emrys?”  
“Everything is going well! He’s a great asset to the office so far. He’s only been working here for an hour and already he’s been very helpful”.  
“Great, glad to hear that. Is he here now?”  
“He’s in your office, sir”.  
Arthur’s heart skipped a beat; Merlin was in his office? “ Very well. Thank you”.   
Arthur suddenly felt very self-conscious about the crease in his pants, the loose strand of blond hair that he couldn’t get to stay in place this morning, the heat that was rushing to his cheeks.   
When he opened his office door, Merlin was standing over his desk, arranging some flowers in a vase. Arthur cleared his throat and Merlin spun around, looking like he had just been caught. Arthur noticed that the tips of Merlin’s large ears turned red when he was nervous, and he couldn’t help but smile.  
“Good morning, Merlin”.   
“Good morning sir!”   
Arthur pointed at the dainty flowers, “Daisies?” The petals were white with a light lavender tint.  
Merlin chuckled, “Asters, sir,” he stroked one of the petals fondly, “They used to be considered enchanted flowers, and they represent patience,”  
Arthur raised an eyebrow at him, “And I suppose you thought that these flowers were going to make me be more patient with you?”  
Merlin shook his head, embarrassed. “I just thought that your office could use some flowers. When I was here for my interview, I noticed that you don’t really have many homely touches in here,”  
“It’s an office Merlin, not my living room”,  
“Oh, I know. If you don’t like the flowers, I can bring them to my desk, I’m sure that Sophie wouldn’t mind”.  
“Leave them,” after seeing Merlin’s wounded expression, Arthur added “I like them”.  
Merlin brightened, and Arthur’s heart pounded a little too quickly. He noticed that when Merlin smiled, he smiled with his whole mouth and bared his teeth.  
“Well, next time I can bring you some from my garden”,  
“Your garden?” Arthur snorted, but the thought of Merlin in the garden, streak of dirt on his cheek, his hands adorned in garden gloves, made Arthur feel warm. He admired the flowers for a moment, and he could see Merlin beaming proudly.  
“Fetch me my coffee, Merlin,” Arthur ordered, trying to get rid of any residual softness in his voice.  
Merlin smiled at Arthur and left without saying anything else.  
When Merlin brought Arthur the coffee, it was tepid and bitter, and undissolved grains of sugar had floated to the surface. Arthur drank the whole cup without a word of complaint.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been just one week since hiring Merlin, and Arthur was starting to realize how much of a mistake it had been.  
Arthur quickly realized that he had been too friendly with Merlin, because Merlin had started mouthing off.  
The other day, for instance, Arthur told Merlin to “Quit loafing around and fetch me my coffee”.  
To which Merlin replied, “Quit being a royal pain and fetch it yourself”.  
Arthur also caught Merlin muttering “prat” under his breath whenever Arthur told him to do something. Merlin didn’t respond to Arthur’s harsh words and endless demands with cowardice and retreat like Arthur was used to. Instead, Merlin would grin widely and retort back quick-wittedly.   
Arthur didn’t banter, he didn’t goof around, especially not at work.   
Arthur stared idly at the cost analysis that he was supposed to be reviewing. He frowned at the little ink numbers and willed them to make more sense. He was supposed to get back to management with a recommendation and a review of the analysis by the morning, but he hadn’t had his coffee yet, so he couldn’t be bothered. Arthur figured that he would just pick up the slack with an extra hour or two after work; it’s not like he had anything waiting for him at home anyways. Arthur sighed; today was not his day. His first mistake was that he had slept through his alarm, which meant that he didn’t have time for his usual morning routine. Arthur usually started the day with a quick cardio session, a shower, a pot of coffee, and the comic section of the paper. This morning, he didn’t even have enough time to steam his suit. Arthur glanced at his watch: it was 9:30. Merlin should’ve been here with his coffee half an hour ago. Arthur pressed the little buzzer on the intercom and waited, mentally kicking himself for being nervous about seeing his own assistant. Merlin walked in, and Arthur’s chest tightened. Merlin looked particularly disheveled that morning; his hair was uncombed and there were small patches of stubble on his usually naked face. He had missed the top two buttons of his shirt, and Arthur’s breath hitched at the sight of his bare skin. Merlin’s face was flushed and pink, and he was very obviously trying to conceal the fact that he was out of breath. Arthur definitely wasn’t imagining Merlin waking up next to him in the morning, hair disheveled like so, and he most certainly wasn’t imagining Merlin’s pink, flushed face being pushed down into the duvet of his bed.   
“Good morning-“ Merlin paused, gasping for air, “Mr. Pendragon”.  
Arthur crooked a brow; maybe he wasn’t the only one having a bad day. “Rough morning, Merlin?” he smirked, ignoring the warmth in his chest.  
Merlin stood up straight, smoothing down his hair with one of his hands. “You could say that,” he said.  
“Care to elaborate?” Arthur paused.  
“Well, I just got in-“  
“You’re half an hour late?” Arthur exclaimed, before leaning back in his chair and nodding sarcastically, “Very impressive”.  
Merlin cracked a smile, “Oh sod off. At least let me finish explaining myself before you start”.   
Arthur smirked, “Fine, go on with your little tale”.  
Merlin rolled his eyes, but continued, “First, my alarm never went off. Then, I missed the train. I was already running late, so I decided to take a taxi. Then, the taxi got stuck in traffic, so I got out and ran the rest of the way”.  
“I also had a bad morning, so I’ll let it slide today”.  
“Thank you, sir”.   
“Right. So now that you’re here, I presume you’re going to fetch me my coffee?”   
“Of course, I couldn’t let his highness go on another minute without his fuel,” Merlin grinned, letting Arthur know that it was all in good humor.  
Arthur rolled his eyes, “You act like calling me royalty is an insult”.  
“A royal pain in my ass maybe,” Merlin muttered under his breath, just loud enough so that Arthur could hear.   
“You clocked into work late and now you’re insulting me instead of following simple orders? Outstanding work, I’ll be sure to put in a recommendation for a pay raise for you”.   
Merlin chuckled, “Alright then, I suppose I’ll actually do my job now,” Merlin commented sarcastically. “What shall I fetch you, sir?”  
“Two coffees. And two pastries”.   
Merlin raised his eyebrows, “Sugar craving today?”  
Arthur shook his head, “For you”. He said the words cautiously, watching Merlin’s face.   
Merlin’s face lit up and reddened. “Sir, y-you don’t have to do that, I’ll just grab something from the vending machine, please don’t trouble yourself-“  
“Are you disobeying my orders, Merlin?”  
“No sir. I’ll go now, thank you”.  
Arthur’s tone softened, “Thought you could use it, you know, after all of that running,”   
Merlin smiled and left the room.   
Arthur smiled to himself and returned his attention to the cost analysis on his desk. Suddenly, all of the little ink numbers made sense, and he began working without a problem. Maybe it wasn’t coffee that Arthur had needed in order to start the day properly.


	6. Chapter 6

“Goodbye, Mr. Pendragon!” Sophia called out sweetly.   
Arthur grunted a response, his eyes still on his computer. He sighed a sigh of relief when he heard the door shut; he didn’t want any more distractions, he just wanted to finish up his day and go home. He just had to send out his recommendation for that cost analysis, verify a couple details in the database, and he’d be done for the day. Arthur typed rapidly, willing his fingers to work faster than his brain so that he could go home. He pressed send eagerly, feeling determined. He brought up the database and scrolled through, making a few corrections here and there. As he worked, he tried planning out his evening, as he liked to do. He would go home, feed his fish, put out his suit and tie for tomorrow, then finish reading his book alongside a tall glass of white wine. Maybe he’d order takeout tonight; Chinese, maybe? He definitely wouldn’t think inappropriate thoughts about his assistant, nor would he spend an hour or so questioning his sexuality. As he was wrapping up his work, he heard a quiet knock on his office door. When he looked up, Merlin was poking his head into the office. Arthur felt a twinge of surprise; Merlin should have gone home an hour ago, what was he doing here?  
“Sorry to be a bother sir, could I come in?”   
Arthur nodded, “Just a moment,” he said. He typed up the last couple words before saving and finally turning off his computer. He stretched out his arms victoriously, leaning back in his chair,   
“What are you still doing here?” Arthur asked, “No life?”   
“You’re one to talk,” Merlin snorted. “I just wanted to ask you if there are any extra tasks I could help you with? Organize any folders for you? Clean up your desk?” Merlin eyed the empty coffee cups and scattered papers strewn about Arthur’s desk.   
“Oi! My desk is perfectly fine, thank you very much. And no, I don’t need you for anything else. I was actually about to go home, as should you”. Arthur stood up and started packing up his briefcase. He eyed his desk; it was a mess; he’d have Merlin clean it up tomorrow.   
Merlin sighed, exasperated, “Ah, ok. I was hoping to find an excuse to stay at the office a while longer”.  
Arthur raised his eyebrows, “Why? Trouble at home?”  
“No, no, nothing like that,” Merlin looked embarrassed, “I live in a pretty old building, and the lights went off this morning in my flat, as they do quite often. I texted my flatmate to see if they’re back on yet, and they aren’t. She’s going to her boyfriend’s house for the night, and I didn’t feel like going back to a dark flat with no hot water or heat all by myself”.  
Arthur wrinkled his nose, “What kind of place do you live in where this is a constant problem?”  
Merlin rolled his eyes, “Of course you’d say that, posh little princeling. Not all of us have mansions and servants who can light up the rooms with candelabras every time that the lights go off”.   
Arthur chuckled, “Well first of all, I live in a flat, not a mansion. And furthermore, the lights have never gone out in said flat”.   
Merlin raised his eyebrows, surprised, “You live in a flat?”  
Arthur shrugged, “Yeah, I’m not as posh or pratish as you may think, Merlin”.  
Merlin scoffed, “Oh, I beg to differ,”   
Arthur smirked at him as he put on his jacket and headed towards the door. Arthur turned off the lights and shut the door, turning to face Merlin again.   
“Where will you go, then?”  
Merlin pulled his jacket over his arms and zipped it up. It was way too big for him and the material swallowed up his thin torso. “I’ll probably stop by my flat to pick up a few things, and then go to my mate’s place for the night”.  
Arthur froze, “Your mate?” He echoed.  
Merlin pulled a black hat over his head and tucked his large ears inside of it. “Yeah, my mate Will. We’ve known each other long enough that he won’t mind if I show up unannounced. His flat isn’t too far from here either, so it’ll be quite convenient for me”.   
Arthur crossed his arms over his chest, his muscles tense. Merlin would be staying at another man’s flat? The images started swarming Arthur’s head, fast and uncontrollably. Merlin, sharing a bed with another man. Will looping an arm around Merlin’s waist and pulling him in closer. Maybe Merlin would back up into him, leaning into his embrace. Arthur suddenly felt sick; what if Merlin came in the next morning with love bites on him? Or if he smelled like another man? Arthur wouldn’t be able to concentrate, knowing that Merlin had the essence of another man’s skin on him.   
“Erm, Arthur?” Merlin was keeping the door held open with his foot.   
“You should come home with me tonight,” Arthur blurted out. He cursed himself for choosing the must suggestive wording possible, and then cursed himself again for caring so much in the first place.  
Merlin choked, “W-what? Why?” His face was half hidden underneath a black-and-white checkered scarf, but Arthur could make out the embarrassment on his face easily. The apples of his cheeks were scarlet.  
“Well, I’ve got electricity there, and heat, and food. You can stay there for the evening until your electricity comes back on. You can even stay overnight, I’ve got a guest room”. Arthur’s heart raced and his body felt warm at the thought of Merlin sleeping in the room next to his own. “It is a mansion, after all,” he added, trying to lighten up the situation.  
Merlin shook his head rapidly, “N-no, that’s unnecessary, I don’t want to put you out,”   
“Don’t be daft, Merlin, I’m not going to let you go hungry. You’re thin enough as it is. Plus, my mansion is so big that I’ll hardly have to see you”.  
Merlin chuckled light-heartedly, “Prat,” he muttered. His tone sounded fond, almost. The warm feeling in Arthur’s body spread from his chest, to his shoulders, to the tips of his fingers.   
“Right then, let’s go”.


	7. Chapter 7

The drive home had been quick and uncomfortable. Merlin was quiet for most of the drive; he made polite comments about how nice Arthur’s car was, and asked Arthur how his day at work was. After a couple minutes of silence, Arthur turned on the radio, to which Merlin sighed and turned towards the window, seemingly deep in thought. Arthur couldn’t tell if it was a sigh of relief or disappointment. He couldn’t keep up small talk with Merlin, not when they were on their way to his home. He couldn’t focus on holding a conversation knowing that in a couple of minutes, Merlin would be inside Arthur’s house, in his private space. He couldn’t quite place the emotion; uncertainty, maybe? Or perhaps vulnerability? He had asked Merlin if he wanted to stop at his flat to pick up a couple of things, but he had said no. Arthur wondered what Merlin was going to wear to sleep, if he had no pajamas; maybe Arthur could lend him something. Arthur’s chest warmed at the thought of Merlin wearing one of Arthur’s shirts; he’d probably drown in it, the loose material hanging off of his thin frame. Arthur suddenly froze; what if Merlin decided to sleep in his boxers? Now Arthur had conjured up a completely different Merlin from the one wearing an oversized t-shirt; this one was shirtless and sitting cross-legged on Arthur’s bed. Amidst Arthur’s daydreaming, Merlin had fallen asleep for a little while, his cheek pressed against the cold window. The steady sound of his breathing steadied Arthur, making him feel a little bit more at ease. They pulled into the driveway, and Arthur turned off the car ignition. He hesitated, and then reached out to touch Merlin’s shoulder, nudging it firmly with his hand. Merlin stirred and opened his eyes, “Huh?”  
“We’re here, Merlin. Let’s go in, yeah?”  
“Mm,” Merlin nodded, rubbing his eyes sleepily. 

Arthur had never thought of his flat as posh or extravagant. Sure, it was nice, and it was quite large for a flat, but it wasn’t nearly as nice as Morgana’s flat or Uther’s house.  
Uther had offered to buy Arthur a large chunk of property outside of the city, near where Uther himself lived, but he refused. Even though he did accept his father’s expensive gifts from time to me, like the car or an occasional new watch, Arthur prided himself on being able to afford his own life, so he respectfully declined Uther’s offer. Arthur knew that his flat was nice, and that it was quite elegantly furnished (he had Morgana’s lavish taste to thank for that), he didn’t think that it was anything to gawk at. And yet, Merlin was gawking. “Bloody hell, look at those high ceilings!” Merlin exclaimed, practically racing into the hall.  
“Oi! Take off your shoes”.  
“Oh, right, as if you’d have to clean the floor yourself if it got dirty,” Merlin rolled his eyes.  
“I actually clean everything myself,” Arthur stated matter-of-factly, causing Merlin to quirk an eyebrow, “On my maid’s days off,” he chuckled.  
Merlin snorted, “Of course’.  
Merlin kicked off his shoes and left them in the hall, pattering excitedly further into the flat. The shy, cautious Merlin who had been reluctant to even be in the same car as Arthur was clearly gone.  
Arthur frowned at the scuffed shoes that were now strewn about his main hall. “Brilliant, Merlin,” he remarked.  
He found Merlin in the living room, lazed about on his sofa with his feet up on the glass coffee table.  
“Christ, Merlin. Have you no humanity?  
“So you’re always this uptight, yeah? Not just at work?”  
“It’s part of my charm,”  
Merlin snorted, “Right”.  
“Fancy some dinner? I picked up some Chinese on our way home”.  
Merlin furrowed his brow, “We didn’t stop anywhere on the way here,”  
Arthur chuckled, “You were sound asleep”.  
“Ah, right. Well yes, thank you, I’d love some dinner”.  
Arthur went into the kitchen and sighed, grateful for the little break away from Merlin. He found himself so nervous around him, even just talking was difficult. He plated the food; he had gotten way too much because he didn’t know what Merlin liked. Setting the generous plates of food on the counter, Arthur took out the bottle of wine that he had set in the fridge to chill that morning and unscrewed the cork. He started to pour two glasses, and then stopped, would it be inappropriate to have a glass of wine with his employee?  
“Merlin?” He exclaimed loudly,  
Merlin wandered into the kitchen, “Yeah?”  
“Do you want a glass of wine?”  
Merlin nodded, “Thank you, Arthur, you didn’t have to go through so much trouble for me”.  
Arthur dismissed the idea with a scoff, “It’s not for you, Merlin. You’re no trouble”.  
Merlin helped Arthur transfer the plates over to the dining table. Arthur immediately took a sip of wine, wanting to soothe his nerves a bit.  
They tucked into their food a bit, and then Merlin spoke, “So, what do you normally do on an evening in?”  
Arthur thought about it for a moment, “Nothing remarkable, really. Usually this, but alone. Then I’ll either catch up on some reading or watch a movie. I try not to work from home, but somehow I end up spending the whole night with my paperwork”.  
“Do you ever go out with your mates? Your girlfriend, perhaps?”  
Arthur chuckled, “Not that it’s any of your business, Merlin, but I don’t have a girlfriend. As for my mates, they are a great lot but they usually like to hang out at pubs or play rugby, neither of which appeal to me. Sometimes they persuade me, though”.  
“Who would have known, the great Arthur Pendragon is as dull as can be,” Merlin grinned.  
“Some say dull, I say sophisticated”.  
“Right,” Merlin chuckled. “Do you have any passions, any hobbies?”  
Arthur thought about it for a moment, “I like to read, but that’s about it. With my workload, I barely have enough time to sleep let alone take up a hobby”.  
Arthur cleared his throat, avoiding Merlin’s gaze. He didn’t want to have to face the sympathy in his eyes. “What about you, Merlin? What do you do when you’re not making my life a living hell?”  
Merlin chuckled, “I’m somewhat of an artist. I like to paint, to sketch, whatever gets my hands dirty”.  
Arthur raised his brows, “Do you sell any of your work?”  
Merlin blushed, “No, I’m afraid I’m not yet good enough to sell anything. It’s mostly just a hobby”.  
“What kind of stuff do you paint?”  
“All sorts. Landscapes, abstract, portraits,”  
“Ah well, if you ever need a muse, I happen to know a very handsome man who would make a brilliant subject for a portrait,”  
Merlin rolled his eyes, “Right well, if you meet him, send him my way, because I certainly don’t know any handsome men”.  
Arthur fluttered a hand to his chest in mock-horror, “Oi, I have feelings too, you know”.  
“Could’ve fooled me,” Merlin grinned.  
“Oh I have feelings, Merlin”, he said, meeting Merlin’s eyes.  
Merlin’s face flushed red and he cleared his throat, averting his eyes down to his now empty plate.  
Fuck, Arthur thought, that didn’t come out the way he had intended.  
Arthur stood up and grabbed his plate, “Right then, I’ll clear the table”.  
Arthur set the dishes down in the sink and exhaled loudly, leaning over the sink. This was going to be a long night.


	8. Chapter 8

It had been two hours since the “too much intensity and direct eye contact” incident. Luckily, things had smoothed over and Merlin had graciously ignored Arthur’s poor wording. The night had gone swimmingly; they had watched some telly, small-talked about books, and Arthur had been on his absolute best behaviour. The night was almost over, Arthur told himself. What a mistake it had been to invite Merlin over, Arthur thought. Not because he wasn’t enjoying Merlin’s company; exactly the opposite. At least when he was at home alone, his yearning for Merlin was a fantasy; he knew that it could never happened, but he imagined it regardless. With Merlin here, Arthur was faced with the reality that Merlin wasn’t his, and the unbelievable weight of his longing was taking over. Still, Arthur reassured himself, Merlin had excused himself to go bathe, and then they would both be heading to bed (separately, much to Arthur’s dismay). The temptation would be gone soon, and he could go back to painlessly yearning from afar. Arthur clutched a clean towel in his hand and approached the upstairs bathroom. He knocked and then opened the door,  
“I thought I’d bring you a towel-“ Arthur froze, his whole body suddenly on fire. His ears started ringing and he felt lightheaded. Merlin stood frozen as well, his eyes pale and wide with shock and vulnerability. Merlin stood inches away from Arthur, bare chested, with his belt undone. His trousers hung loosely off of his narrow hips and were slowly but surely inching further down. Arthur willed himself not to look, but it couldn’t be helped. He looked. He looked at his smooth, lean torso and the little patches of hair dispersed across his otherwise smooth chest. He looked at his collar bones, his shoulders, his neck. Oh God- his neck. Arthur was beyond hard at this point; his erection strained against the cruel confines of his jeans, begging to be released. Before Arthur could conceal it, Merlin’s eyes dropped down directly to it, his mouth dropping open. Arthur dropped the towel and quickly left the room in a panic.  
“Fuck,” Arthur heard Merlin curse behind the closed door.   
Arthur retreated to his bedroom and shut the door behind him. He slumped against the door, his hand pressed to his forehead. Idiot. Why did he have to look? “Oh, pardon me,” he could’ve said, and politely shut the door behind him. He could have tossed Merlin the towel and excused himself quietly, but no, absolutely not. Not only did he look, he stared. Arthur’s mortification was temporarily distracted by the aching of his erection, and he frowned at his body’s betrayal. Now wasn’t the time to think about the dips in Merlin’s clavicles, or the unblemished skin of his smooth abdomen. Nor was it the time to think about what it would be like to suck a hickey onto Merlin’s neck. Utterly defeated, Arthur yanked down his pants until they were around his ankles and pulled out his cock. He spit into his hand and hastily fisted his erection, leaning against his bedroom door for support. He pictured Merlin standing naked in the same shower that he himself stepped into every morning. What if he were to storm back into the bathroom right now? Maybe Merlin was hoping that he’d come back, waiting longingly by the door. He’d hoist Merlin up so that he was straddling his waist with his legs, and wordlessly carry him into the shower, slamming his back up against the cold tile walls. As the hot water sprayed down on them, Arthur would pull him in closer, trapping his bottom lip between his teeth before kissing him long and hard. He’d kiss his way down to Merlin’s neck, paying special attention to the skin that beckoned him so mercilessly. He wouldn’t stop until he was covered with proof of Arthur’s presence, his ownership. He wouldn’t even take Merlin right then and there, he’d just want to feel his skin against his own, taking time to memorize each freckle, every scar, every detail of his body. He’d pick him up, still wet and dripping from the shower, and carry him in his arms, kissing him until they reached the foot of the bed. He’d set him down and hover over him, pinning his arms over his head, attacking his neck, chest, and abdomen with lips, teeth, and tongue. He’d wait until Merlin was shaking, begging, and then he’d grasp his hands around his hardness, stroking lazily. Merlin would buck his hips and try to get more out of Arthur, but Arthur would want to savor it, taking his time. He’d only speed up if Merlin begged; Oh God, how he’d beg.   
Arthur came into his fist with a jolt, pulled back into reality by the feeling of his own warm cum spilling over his knuckles and dripping down his hand onto his bedroom floor.   
“Brilliant”.


	9. Chapter 9

Arthur stirred in bed, trying not to think about Merlin in the guestroom. Arthur wondered how he slept; perhaps with his knees tucked into his chest, curled up cozily? Or maybe he slept sprawled out, lanky limbs flailed about the bed. Arthur smiled to himself; he wouldn’t mind it if Merlin hogged the bed, he’d simply pull him into his arms, resting Merlin’s head against his own chest. He wondered if Merlin snored, or if he stirred in his sleep. Maybe he’d speak in his sleep and mumble Arthur’s name fondly. Arthur found himself hugging a pillow tightly to his body, a small wave of sadness interrupting his happy fantasizing.  
“You’re pathetic,” he told himself, roughly pushing the pillow off of the bed.  
Arthur gave up on trying to sleep, concluding that he needed some tea. He walked down the hallway into the kitchen, surprised when he noticed that the light was on.  
Arthur suppressed a gasp; Merlin was standing near the fridge, clasping a glass of water to his chest, his eyes wide.  
“Oh, sorry! I just got up to get some water,” he paused, “You had mentioned earlier that I could help myself if I needed to-“  
“Merlin, of course you can have some water. You can have anything you’d like,” he replied.  
Merlin seemed relieved, because he loosened his grip around the glass and took a sip. Arthur maneuvered around him to get to the electric kettle. He filled it with water and then flipped the switch. He glanced at Merlin, and his heart just about stopped when he noticed what he was wearing. Arthur’s grey Oxford shirt was draped around Merlin’s lanky torso; it reached his thighs, just barely covering his boxers.  
Merlin’s cheeks flushed red when he noticed Arthur’s gaze, “I didn’t want to sleep in my work clothes, and I was sleeping shirtless, but I didn’t want to parade around your flat in just my pants,” he rambled, clearly flustered. “It was in the dryer, in the bathroom. I was hoping you wouldn’t notice. That was terribly inappropriate of me, I’m sorry, sir”.  
Arthur couldn’t speak, so he just stood and listened to Merlin’s disorganized apology. He couldn’t speak because he knew that Merlin’s scent was going to stain that shirt. Even if he washed it, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to wear it again without thinking of the way that it sagged loosely at the front and exposed his skin, or the way that the material grazed his thighs.  
The only thing that willed him to speak again was the concerned look coming from Merlin.  
Arthur cleared his throat and forced a slight smile, “Merlin, it’s okay, you can wear whatever you’d like”, he smirked before adding, “Though, next time, let me ring Morgana. Her clothes would surely fit you a little better,”  
Merlin grinned, clearly relieved by Arthur’s usual banter, “Oh sod off. It’s not my fault that you’re massive. I checked the tag before putting it on: extra-large?”.  
“Oi! I’m not massive. It’s all lean muscle, Merlin. Not that you would know anything about that,”  
Merlin scoffed in mock-offense, “I’ll have you know that I am plenty muscular. I’m just humble”.  
Arthur shivered, remembering the smoothness of Merlin’s abdomen, and the gleam of his pale, exposed skin. He recomposed himself, forcing s smirk, “Couldn’t see any muscle from where I was standing,” he retorted  
Merlin smirked, “So you were looking” he said, almost victoriously.  
Arthur opened and closed his mouth, clenching his jaw in defeat when he couldn’t come up with a witty retort. He turned his back to Merlin and focused on making his tea instead. He settled on Earl Grey and steeped it in the hot water, all too aware of Merlin’s presence. When he turned back around, Merlin was staring at him. Instead of turning red or turning away like he usually did when Arthur caught him staring, Merlin smirked at him.  
“What’s so amusing, Merlin?”  
“I never thought I’d be the one to render the almighty Arthur Pendragon speechless”.  
“Please, I just couldn’t be bothered to continue conversing with you, you’re such a pest”.  
Merlin grinned, “You like it,”  
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Merlin”.  
Merlin’s expression softened and he tilted his head to the side inquisitively, “Speaking of that, why aren’t you sleeping?”  
Arthur sighed, “I overthink a lot, I lose sleep quite often, actually”.  
Merlin’s face softened, giving Arthur’s arm a quiet, gentle squeeze. A jolt of electricity shot through Arthur, and he squeezed his eyes shut for just a moment, “More,” he thought.  
“Is anything in particular bothering you tonight?” Merlin asked, scanning Arthur’s face. Arthur tried his best to remain expressionless, feeling all at once too vulnerable.  
Merlin’s head was tilted ever so slightly to the right, and his face was tense with concern.  
Arthur turned his back towards Merlin again, grabbing a spoon to stir some sugar into his tea with.  
“I’m just stressed,” Arthur said, “The job can be quite a lot, sometimes”. Arthur half-lied. It was true that he was stressed- he was always stressed- but that’s not what had kept him up.  
Merlin looked down, the playful glimmer in his eyes gone. “I’m sorry to have been a bother, Arthur. I should have just gone to my mate’s house,”  
Arthur felt a pang in his chest- ouch. He knew that he had been acting weird since the bathroom incident, but he hadn’t realized that Merlin had regretted coming over this much. The hurt turned into panic as his thoughts started spiraling out of control. What if Merlin had only agreed to stay the night because Arthur was his boss? Fuck, what was Arthur doing inviting over employees to spend the night at his flat? Of course Merlin was uncomfortable and wanted to leave. He probably thought that Arthur had walked in on him changing on purpose, that it had been his plan all along.  
Arthur’s existential crisis must have leaked out of his pores and onto his face because Merlin cleared his throat very loudly, clearly with intent.  
“Erm, Arthur?”  
Arthur crossed his arms, “I’m really sorry if I’ve coerced you in any way or made you feel uncomfortable. It was entirely unprofessional of me to have you sleep at my flat, and I understand that it must have put you in a very uncomfortable spot-“  
“Arthur, no!” Merlin exclaimed rather frantically, reaching out once again to squeeze Arthur’s arm, more tightly this time. Arthur inhaled sharply at the touch but flinched away. He didn’t want to make things worse.  
Merlin dropped his hand and sighed, “That’s not what I meant,”  
“Oh?” Arthur furrowed his brows.  
Merlin shuffled his feet in place, “I just feel like I inconvenienced you. You entertained me all evening and now you’re losing sleep because you’re so stressed about work; you could have gotten more done if I hadn’t been distracting you and imposing like this. It was unprofessional and I’m sorry. You were just trying to be polite by offering and I took advantage of that”.  
Arthur was taken aback and stunned into silence for a moment. Why was Merlin apologizing?  
“Why would you think that you were taking advantage?” Arthur asked softly, “Had I not wanted you here, I wouldn’t have offered. You know me, Merlin, I’m not one to simply be polite,” he said, trying to lighten the mood with some banter.  
Merlin smiled slightly, but his eyes still wouldn’t meet Arthur’s.  
“I respect you a lot as a boss and as a mentor, and as much as I hate to admit it,” Merlin chuckled softly, “I’ve grown quite fond of you. I know it is definitely unprofessional to think this way, but I don’t see you as just my boss,”  
Arthur inhaled sharply, “Oh?”  
Merlin looked down shyly, “I see you as my friend, as well”.  
Arthur’s suppressed a frown and willed himself to ignore the sharp pains in his chest. A friend? He didn’t want to be Merlin’s friend. Although, he supposed “Friend” was heaps better than “Pervert Boss”. He couldn’t say he was too surprised though. He had known all along that Arthur’s feelings for Merlin- whatever they were- were one-sided. Still, he couldn’t help but feel just a little bit shattered. He forced a smile and cleared his throat,  
“I’m glad you feel comfortable around me Merlin, it means that the communications class I took in college wasn’t all for nothing,” he teased half-heartedly, not knowing how else to respond to what felt like rejection.  
Merlin snorted, “Oh sod off. You were supposed to say that you liked me too, you know. Or something nice about me, anything at all. You’re usually supposed to return a compliment with another compliment. Did they not teach you that at Oxford?”.  
“Ah, sorry, I didn’t know that being your friend was a high honor that it should be regarded as a compliment,” he quipped back.  
Merlin smiled, “Thanks for letting me stay over”.  
“Of course, Merlin”.  
Arthur examined Merlin, bare-legged and bundled up in Arthur’s shirt, his hair tousled and his eyes tired. Sadness welled up in Arthur’s chest and he bit his lip. He never cried, he never pouted, he never let himself express sadness. But this, knowing that the person standing in his kitchen in his shirt would never be his, made him temporarily forget about how controlled he usually was. For just a moment, he let himself feel the overwhelming feeling of what he could only describe as loss. He un-clenched his jaw, released his bottom lip from his teeth, and stood up straight, staring into his almost empty teacup.  
“You going back to sleep soon?” He asked, surprised that his voice wasn’t wavering.  
Merlin rinsed his empty glass in the sink, “Yeah, we both probably should eh? I guess it’s just been a while since I’ve slept at someone else’s home. I’m so used to my own environment, my own surroundings, the certain comforts that help me fall asleep”.  
“Like what?”  
Merlin smiled, “Like my cat, Kilgarah. He kneads the blanket and purrs in my ear as I fall asleep. Or the sound of the fan, I always leave it on, even in the middle of the winter. Even the sound of my noisy neighbors. It’s just all so familiar. Do you have anything like that in this apartment? Any little comforts?”.  
Arthur loved this side of Merlin, the side that said and asked things that made Arthur think, feel. “I don’t have much like that here. Honestly this apartment doesn’t always feel like mine. It’s big and it’s clean and a good place to work and read, but I haven’t really done anything to make it feel like mine. I do light a lavender candle every night before I go to sleep, I like the smell”. Arthur thought about it for a moment and then elaborated, “Morgana once told me that my mother had some strange affinity for lavender. Lavender bubble bath, lavender soap, lavender candles. I guess it’s my way of keeping a piece of her here with me in this big, empty space”, Arthur wasn’t quite sure if he meant his apartment or his heart, perhaps both. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath, immediately regretting bringing it up. When he met Merlin’s eyes, he was expecting to see pity, or discomfort. He was waiting for the questions and curiosity. Instead, Merlin’s mouth was upturned in a sad smile, and his eyes were kind. Arthur couldn’t quite place the expression.  
“I understand,” Merlin spoke softly, eyes still on Arthur. “When I first moved away from my mum, I needed to use one of her shawls as a blanket so that I could fall asleep, just so that I could feel close to her. I was so used to having her around that it felt wrong that she wasn’t with me. I know that it doesn’t even start to compare, but I think it’s good that you’ve found something to hold on to that connects you to her. It’s important”.  
Arthur smiled, appreciating Merlin’s attempt to relate; he knew that it wasn’t the same, but he had still tried to make him feel better. Arthur much preferred this approach to the usual “Oh, you poor thing” that he got from strangers, or the “Would you quit going on about her?” that he got from his father.  
“Do you miss her, your mum?” He asked gently, leaning uncomfortably against the kitchen counter. The fatigue in his body made him wonder how long they had been standing in there for.  
“Terribly,” Merlin replied, nodding his head. “But we chat when we can, and we’re both keeping busy, so it’s quite alright”.  
“That’s good,” Arthur yawned, stretching out his arms.  
Merlin grinned sheepishly, “Have I bored you to sleep?”  
Arthur chuckled, “Absolutely. I should ring you up every time I can’t sleep. All you have to do is open your mouth and I’ll nod off”.  
“Prat,” Merlin shoved Arthur’s arm lightly, laughing in spite of himself.  
Arthur chuckled, the return of the stabbing rejection-pains in his chest as well as the fatigue in his body told him that it was time to go to sleep. “We should probably go to sleep if either of us is going to get any work done tomorrow, not that you usually get any work done regardless”, he teased.  
Merlin grinned, “How am I expected to get any work done with you constantly distracting me?”  
Arthur quirked an eyebrow playfully.  
“And what exactly distracts you, Merlin? My incredible good looks, incredible charm, or incredible wit?”.  
Merlin snorted, “Your incredible big head”, he retorted.  
“I think it’s probably my incredible good looks,” he teased, immediately regretting it when he noticed that Merlin had gone beet-red.  
Shit, he thought, he had made Merlin uncomfortable. Merlin had not indicated any interest in Arthur romantically, so why was Arthur pushing the boundaries and continuing to foster hope? he didn’t want to ruin the relationship that they had established by making Merlin uncomfortable. As much as it devastated him that Merlin didn’t return his feelings, he would settle for any type of affection or care from him, even if it was strictly platonic, and he didn’t want to lose that by making a stupid comment or taking a joke too far.  
Still, the blush that travelled across Merlin’s cheeks to the tip of his nose made Arthur feel warm. He dug his fingernails into his palms, willing himself to just calm down, say a polite goodnight, and go to sleep. Arthur opened his mouth to put an end to their midnight kitchen meeting, but Merlin spoke first.  
“Sometimes, it is your incredible good looks,” he said quietly. There was humor in his voice, like when they would normally banter back-and-forth, but his eyes avoided Arthur’s, and his hands were clenched into tight fists.  
Arthur paused, not quite sure what to do. Surely, he was just kidding. His ears rang and his head pounded, his body suddenly forgetting its fatigue as a rush of adrenaline surged through him.  
Merlin looked up, his eyes meeting Arthur’s, and Arthur just about lost it.  
There was an expression on Merlin’s face as their eyes met, hope, maybe? Under the dim kitchen lights, he could still tell that Merlin’s skin was hot and flushed, maybe with anticipation, with nervousness. Was he waiting for Arthur to make a move?  
Riddled with self-doubt and uncertainty, Arthur smiled, “Of course it is,” he replied, immediately hating himself.  
Merlin’s expression was one of disappointment, or maybe relief; Arthur couldn’t tell anymore. His head was flooded with regret and self-loathing and embarrassment. He just wanted to go to sleep, so that he could wake up and resume his life; without want, without this unquenchable desire that he had been feeling ever since he had first laid eyes on Merlin. Now that he knew he could never have him, maybe he’d stop wanting him. Maybe.  
“Right then, I’m going to go get a solid three hours of sleep before we have to wake up,” Arthur chirped, trying to sound good-spirited. “I leave at 7:30, so be sure to be up before then. I know it’ll be difficult for you to get yourself up before noon,” he teased flatly. “Goodnight,” he said, smiling tightly before turning to leave the kitchen.  
“Arthur,” Merlin called out, half exclaiming, half whispering.  
“Hm?” He turned back towards the kitchen, where Merlin was still standing.  
He reached out and touched Arthur’s arm tentatively. Instinctively, Arthur’s bicep flexed, and he shivered as he felt Merlin’s cold fingers against his bare skin.  
“Thank you,” He whispered, looking up at Arthur from beneath his long eyelashes, “For keeping me company”. He gave Arthur’s arm a firm squeeze and floated his arm back down to his side.  
Arthur returned the sentiment by reaching back out towards Merlin and resting his hand on his shoulder, gripping gently. Rather than flinch, Merlin leaned into Arthur’s touch, once again wearing a full-faced blush. Arthur couldn’t help himself; he brushed his thumb up and down Merlin’s arm, wishing for the first time that evening that Merlin wasn’t wearing his Oxford shirt, so that maybe he could get to feel what his skin would feel like underneath his palm. He could hear Merlin’s breath hitch ever so slightly as he made the movement, so he paused and did it again, rubbing semi-circles into his upper arm.  
Did Merlin like this?  
Delirious with fatigue and desire, Arthur lowered his inhibitions and dropped his hand down to the small of Merlin’s back. Merlin inhaled sharply and pressed a hand against Arthur’s chest. Arthur froze; was Merlin going to push him away? Fuck, he had gone too far. Arthur’s doubts were silenced when Merlin ran his hand up Arthur’s chest and rested on his shoulder, gripping tightly. His other hand quickly met Arthur’s other shoulder, and just like that, Merlin was in his arms. Arthur felt lightheaded and realized that he had stopped breathing. He inhaled slowly, scared that if he moved, the spell would be broken. He didn’t know what to do; surely Merlin was just giving him a friendly hug to say thank you? He certainly didn’t hug his other friends this way; he just about laughed out loud thinking about how Percival would react to Arthur cuddling up to him like this. Merlin did mention that he had mostly female friends, so maybe this felt more familiar to him? Surely it was platonic, right?  
Merlin’s eyes met his, wide and hopeful, and just like that, Arthur stopped thinking.  
His other hand settled on Merlin’s back, while his other one dipped from the small of his back to his hip, pulling him closer. Merlin gasped but reciprocated by resting his head on Arthur’s shoulder, his arms still wrapped around his shoulders.  
“You’re a really good hugger,” Merlin whispered into the crook of Arthur’s neck,  
The sensation of Merlin’s breath against Arthur’s skin gave him full body chills, but he remained silent and still, not wanting to do or say anything that would end their embrace.  
Merlin broke the stillness by pulling his head away from Arthur’s neck, eyes meeting Arthur’s. Thinking he was trying to pull away, Arthur loosened his grip. Almost in protest, Merlin pressed up against him, tightening his own grip, eyes not breaking from Arthur’s. Arthur watched, fixated, as one of Merlin’s hands crept up his neck and onto the side of his face, gently tracing the outline of his jaw with his thumb, until it finally settled onto the back of Arthur’s head. Merlin stroked his hair cautiously, his breathing shaky, “Is this ok?” he asked quietly.  
“Yes,” Arthur exhaled, barely able to mutter his consent.  
“I’ve,” Merlin paused, then shook his head, chuckling a little bit.  
“Go on,” Arthur whispered.  
Merlin looked away, grasping a lock of Arthur’s hair, “I’ve always wondered how this would feel, to be with you like this”.  
Arthur couldn’t believe it, “And?”  
“It’s amazing,” he replied breathlessly, his thumb stroking Arthur’s cheek.  
Arthur’s entire body melted into Merlin’s, his knees weak. Another person’s touch had never made him feel like this before; Merlin was intoxicating.  
He dropped his hand to the small of Merlin’s back and then snuck it up his shirt, finally making contact with his bare skin. He felt Merlin shiver against him as he leisurely traced his fingers in circles on Merlin’s back.  
“Is this okay?” he whispered, searching Merlin’s eyes for any signs of discomfort. Merlin’s cheeks were flushed pink, “Yes,” he muttered.  
Arthur ran his hand higher up Merlin’s bare back, pressing his palm against Merlin’s warm skin.  
“I want-“ Merlin started, but stopped himself, looking away from Arthur.  
“What do you want, Merlin?”  
“I want to touch you,” he murmured still not making eye contact.  
He backed away from Merlin, his hand slipping out from Merlin’s shirt; Arthur winced at the loss of contact.  
“I’m sorry if that was too much,” Merlin mumbled nervously.  
Arthur smirked at him and took off his shirt, letting it fall to the floor. “You can touch me, Merlin”.  
Wordlessly, Merlin approached Arthur. Arthur had never felt so exposed before in his life; Merlin was taking in every inch of him with his eyes. Merlin raised a palm and pressed it against Arthur’s chest, running it up to his shoulder and back down again.  
“Fuck, you’re bloody gorgeous,” Merlin whispered, his eyes meeting Arthur’s.  
“Come here,” Arthur said softly, a tremble in his voice as he took both of Merlin’s hands in his. Why was he so nervous?  
Arthur had gone through many first kisses, so why did the anticipation of this one feel any different?  
Because it was different, he concluded.  
He kissed Merlin, their lips meeting for the first time.  
He let go of one of Merlin’s hands, snaking an arm around his waist to pull him in closer. Arthur pulled away from Merlin’s lips for a moment, overwhelmed by the friction between them. Arthur’s breath hitched abruptly as Merlin rolled his hips lazily against his front. He turned his attention to Merlin’s face, noticing his smug little smirk. Arthur dug his fingers into Merlin’s hip with one hand and pinned his arm against the wall with the other.  
“Prat,” Arthur muttered before taking Merlin’s bottom lip between his teeth.  
“Fuck, Arthur,” Merlin whimpered as Arthur’s lips met his neck. Arthur bit down gently, sucking on the soft skin of Merlin’s neck. He pressed a palm against the front of Merlin’s trousers, feeling his erection strain at the sudden contact. Merlin whimpered, and Arthur lost it. He pinned both of Merlin’s hands up against the wall and pressed his weight against him. His own erection rested uncomfortably against Merlin’s hip, as he attacked his neck with his lips, teeth, and tongue.  
“Arthur, fuck, you’re going to leave marks,” Merlin protested, wiggling under Arthur’s grip.  
“Good,” Arthur growled. That’s exactly what Arthur wanted. Just the thought that Merlin’s skin was going to be covered with traces of Arthur’s presence made his erection throb desperately.  
Arthur refocused on Merlin’s lips, kissing them again, hungrier this time.  
Arthur couldn’t take it anymore; he needed Merlin underneath him, to feel the heat of his body against his own.  
“Bedroom,” Arthur growled, grasping Merlin’s hand in his. They practically flew up the steps and into Arthur’s bedroom. Normally, he was sure that Merlin would’ve made a sarcastic remark about the unnecessary lavishness of the bedroom or some comment about Arthur being a spoiled princeling, but Arthur made sure to prevent that by keeping Merlin’s lips occupied. Lips still locked, they fumbled over to the bed together. Arthur pushed Merlin down onto the bed and then stood back, admiring the sight before him. Merlin was perfect. He had lost his shirt on the way up the stairs, and his briefs were pulled down ever so slightly, revealing a neat trail of hair down the front of his pelvic. Merlin’s body was perfect, but it was the expression on Merlin’s face that drove him over the edge; his bottom lip was captured between his teeth, his face flushed pink, and his eyes hazy with longing. Arthur pulled off his own briefs, his eyes not leaving Merlin’s. Merlin inhaled sharply, his eyes seemingly trying to take in all of Arthur at once.  
“Fuck, Arthur,” he exclaimed breathlessly, “You’re gorgeous,”  
Arthur hovered over him, satisfied to see that Merlin’s neck was already starting to show signs of Arthur’s presence. He traced Merlin’s jaw with kisses, then his cheek, then his lips. He caught Merlin’s bottom lip between his teeth and sucked, prompting a moan to escape Merlin’s lips. This only encouraged Arthur, and he kissed down his smooth abdomen. With one of his hands, Arthur pawed Merlin’s cock through his briefs, holding his hand with the other.  
“Fuck, Arthur,”  
Merlin bucked his hips and Arthur lost it.  
“Can I?” He asked, already tugging at Merlin’s briefs.  
“Fuck, please,” Merlin moaned, knees buckling and then unbuckling anxiously.  
That was all he needed, as he ripped away the barrier that stood between him and his desires. Merlin’s cock was beautiful, just like the rest of him. Admittedly, Arthur felt intimidated for a moment because he had never been faced with a cock before that wasn’t his own, but his nervousness was quickly overtaken by ecstasy as his tongue flickered against the tip of Merlin’s cock. Merlin’s hips bucked again at the contact, but Arthur pressed down against his hips with his hands so that he would be still; he wanted to concentrate. He licked up the shaft to the tip of his cock, tongue pressing gently against the slit, making Merlin cry out. Smirking, Arthur repeated this a few times before finally pursing his lips around the head of Merlin’s cock, swirling his tongue in a circular motion. Arthur felt hands in his hair, grasping and grabbing desperately. Arthur smiled smugly to himself, Merlin wanted more. Cunningly, Arthur pulled away from Merlin’s cock, “What was it that you wanted, Merlin?”  
Merlin whined in between breaths, “You- bloody- prat”,  
“What was that? You want me to stop?”  
Merlin groaned, nails digging into Arthur’s bare shoulders, “Arthur, please,”  
That was more like it. “Please, what?”  
“Fuck! Arthur, please, suck my cock, please”,  
“That’s better,” he gloated, satisfied with himself.  
He wrapped his mouth around Merlin’s cock, taking it in much deeper than he had previously done. He felt tears welling up in his eyes as the cock filled his mouth and pushed against his throat but he kept going, wanting to show Merlin just how badly he wanted him. Arthur bobbed his head to the rhythm of Merlin’s bucking hips, moaning against his cock and sucking sloppily. Spit dribbled down Arthur’s chin and he was starting to feel dizzy, but he didn’t care.  
“Fuck, fuck, Arthur, I’m going to, fuck!” Merlin exclaimed.  
Excitedly, Arthur sped up, holding Merlin’s hips in place.  
With a jolt and a moan, Merlin came, flooding Arthur’s willing mouth with cum. Arthur swallowed, proud of himself for wrecking Merlin quite nicely, and left a trail of kisses against Merlin’s shivering body until he reached his lips.  
Merlin looked beautifully unraveled; his hair disheveled, his limbs limp and sprawled out, his abdomen slick with sweat. Arthur always wanted Merlin like this.  
“Fuck, Arthur”.  
“You said that already,” Arthur teased.  
Weakly, Merlin kissed him, slowly and sweetly this time. Arthur suddenly became painfully aware of his own throbbing erection. Merlin’s eyes widened as he noticed it, and a sly grin swept across his handsome face. Arthur watched with awe as Merlin licked the palm of his hand and sucked two fingers between his lips.  
He grasped Arthur’s cock with his newly slicked hand, and tightened his grip, pumping his fist at a slow, lazy pace. Bastard, Arthur thought.  
Right when he thought that Merlin was going to make him beg, he quickened his pace, causing a series of moans to erupt from Arthur’s mouth. He felt the pressure building and he knew that he was close.  
Suddenly, the hand around his cock was replaced with a different kind of pressure, warm and wet. He opened his eyes that had been squeezed shut in ecstasy and immediately met Merlin’s eyes, who was gazing up at him while his perfect lips were wrapped around his cock. With that, Arthur came completely undone, finishing with a jolt into Merlin’s mouth.  
As Arthur recovered his breath, Merlin crawled into his arms, head resting comfortably against his chest.  
“You know, I’ve been wanting to do that since the day I walked into your office,” he said.  
Arthur met Merlin’s eyes, “Really?” Surely not.  
Merlin nodded, “Even though you were an utter prat to me,” he chuckled, “not much has changed since then, I suppose”.  
“I beg to differ,” Arthur said, kissing Merlin’s jaw, “I think a lot has changed”.  
He held Merlin in his arms and waited until his breathing steadied. Once Arthur knew that Merlin was asleep and that he would be by his side all night, he let himself drift away.


	10. Chapter 10

Predictably, Arthur had woken up before Merlin. He had already showered, gotten dressed, and made the coffee by the time he heard Merlin get out of the shower.  
“Morning,” Arthur chirped cheerfully as Merlin wandered sleepily into the kitchen.  
“Good morning,” Merlin replied mid-yawn,   
“Not a morning person, are we?” Arthur teased as Merlin rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “It just takes me a while,” he said.  
“Ah, no wonder you’re always late,” he chuckled.   
Merlin groaned, “Oi, I just woke up. At least wait until I’ve had my first coffee to berate me”.   
“Well, good thing that I just made a pot,” He handed Merlin a mug, “Now drink up so that I can berate you all I want”.   
Merlin hopped up onto the countertop, legs dangling playfully over the edge.  
“Oi! Would you mind not rubbing your arse all over the marble, please?”  
“Yesterday you told me to make myself comfortable, I’m doing just that”.  
Arthur stood in between Merlin’s dangling legs, hands resting on either side of him on the counter. “Prat”, he whispered into Merlin’s ear.  
“You like it,” Merlin whispered back, gently kissing Arthur’s neck.  
“I do,” Arthur admitted, kissing Merlin’s forehead gently.  
“Do you want breakfast?”   
Merlin shook his head, “Not yet. I’ll fetch us some pastries later when we’re at work”.  
“Only if I say you can, I am the boss of you, remember?”  
Merlin chuckled, “How could I forget?”  
Merlin tightened his grip around Arthur’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss, legs tightly wrapped around him. Their tongues met and a wave of euphoria washed over him.   
“Arthur,” Merlin whispered,   
“Hm?”  
“I have feelings for you”.  
Arthur froze, feelings.   
All of his life, Arthur had been told to avoid feelings. When he fell down, Uther told him to get up and walk it off. When his mother had died, he was told that these things in life happen and that there is no purpose dwelling. Throughout every single one of his relationships, there were no feelings from Arthur, just formality.   
With Merlin, he was suddenly faced with everything that he had been told to avoid all of his life.   
Of course he had feelings for Merlin, but that felt less horrifying when the feelings were unrequited; ones that, surely, would go away with time. Now, the object of his affections was openly returning those feelings, encouraging Arthur to feel.   
It suddenly all became too much, and he started to feel faint. Lightheaded and disoriented, he unwrapped himself from Merlin and took a couple of steps back.   
Merlin slid off of the counter, his expression forlorn. Arthur looked away; even sad, Merlin was beautiful.   
“I think it’s best that we get to work now,” he said coldly, collecting his briefcase and his keys. “I’ll wait for you in the car, don’t be long”.  
He turned away before he was tempted to meet Merlin’s eyes and be faced with the pain that he caused.


	11. Chapter 11

“You look grim,” Morgana teased, poking at Arthur’s face with her long nail. “Rough night?”  
Arthur ignored her, sipping his coffee instead. He couldn’t tell if his splitting headache was caused by the pressure of his upcoming meeting, or from staying up all night thinking about Merlin. Probably the latter.  
Morgana hopped up onto Arthur’s desk, pattering on about Gwaine and how soft his hair was, something of the sort. He had learned to stop listening to his sister’s ramblings a long time ago.  
There was a knock at the office door, “Come in!” Arthur bellowed, more than happy for the interruption.  
Merlin walked in cautiously with some paperwork in his hands, his eyes downcast.  
Arthur’s trousers suddenly felt strained at the sight of the state of Merlin’s neck. Half of his neck was covered in marks; purples and reds from the bruising had created an entire galaxy.  
Morgana laughed, “Wow look at you! Good night?”  
Merlin looked mortified and adjusted his scarf. “I just fell,” he said.  
“Onto someone’s lips? Or into someone’s bed?” Morgana chuckled.  
“Leave him be, Morgana” Arthur ordered.  
Morgana dismissed Arthur’s orders with a wave of her hand; “He knows I’m just kidding, right Marlin?”  
“Yeah, right”. Merlin nodded, clearing his throat. Arthur couldn’t help but smirk at Merlin’s intimidation. Where was his quick wit now?  
“You alright there? You’re looking a little pale,” Arthur smirked.  
Merlin smiled sarcastically, “I’m always pale”.  
“Nice neck, Marlin” Arthur teased, his eyes turning back to the galaxy on Merlin’s skin.  
“You think she’d know my name by now,” Merlin chuckled, clearly eager to change the subject.  
“Don’t take it too personally; she doesn’t even remember the names of the men she sleeps with”.  
“As for my neck, you utter prat, I told you to stop,” Merlin whined, adjusting his scarf self-consciously. The tone of Merlin’s voice brought Arthur back to last night, when Merlin had whimpered his name and went limp against his body. Arthur bit his lip hard, trying to redirect his thoughts.  
“I’m sorry,” Arthur said, fiddling with a stack of papers on his desk.  
It was Merlin’s turn to smirk now, “For the hickeys, or for blowing me off this morning?”  
Merlin’s playful tone gave Arthur enough confidence to meet his eyes again, “I’m not apologizing for the hickeys, that was your fault,”  
Merlin snorted, “Right”.  
“But, I am apologizing for this morning as well. I didn’t get much sleep, and I have an important meeting with Uther today-“  
Merlin cut him off, “That’s not what happened”, he said rather solemnly.  
Arthur cleared his throat nervously, “No, it’s not. Listen, this is new to me, I just need some time to figure it all out and wrap my head around it”.  
“It’s new to me too,” Merlin said shyly.  
“Really?”  
“Yeah, I mean I’ve only ever had one serious boyfriend, and that was in high school. I don’t date; I don’t usually put myself out there like that”.  
“Well then, I guess that makes me special”.  
“I wouldn’t go that far”, Merlin chuckled.  
“I see that one thing that isn’t new to you is being an utter prat”.  
Merlin chuckled, and then glanced at Arthur sheepishly, avoiding his eyes.  
“Well, I guess this means that maybe, we could figure things out together?”  
Arthur’s chest fluttered as Merlin’s gaze finally met his, his gorgeous lips swept into a slight smile. He leaned towards Merlin, arms on either side of his slim body, and swiftly hoisted him up onto the desk. Merlin gasped and clung to Arthur, arms wrapped around his neck and legs wrapped around his hips. Breathlessly, Arthur undid the buttons of Merlin’s shirt, revealing the alabaster skin of his chest. He nuzzled his face against Merlin’s chest. Mine, he thought, all mine. Merlin’s hitched breath and the hand in Arthur’s hair only spurred him on further, as he bit down on the skin that he had longed for so desperately. He had done a great job on Merlin’s neck, but there was still so much skin to claim. He stopped, which evoked a little whine from Merlin, and reached over his lover to press down on the buzzer.  
“Sophia!”  
“Yes sir?”  
“Cancel my meetings for the rest of the afternoon, I’m going to be busy”.  
“Yes sir”.  
With that, he returned his attention to Merlin.  
“Mine,” he whispered,  
“Yours,” Merlin agreed. moaning into his mouth.  
Arthur admired how beautiful Merlin looked sprawled in front of him like this, eager and waiting to be touched. Arthur beamed, he was going to take his sweet time with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to ZB <3


End file.
